Peeing

I used to think of going to the bathroom as a chore -something to get me off the couch, a reason to miss a minute of my favorite show.
Now that I have two small children, I realize that peeing is a luxury, something opportunistic, even earned through collective bargaining with my wife. I have come to feel that a semi full bladder is a normal state of being, and when I do get the chance to empty it, my emasculation as a man is fully complete: I have to sit down to pee. For what other means do I have to pent a small hand from reaching into my stream of pee or even from stirring the yellowed water in the toilet bowl?